The Fan

We've all had them - that all-encompasing crush for the unattainable.
They taunt us daily with their impossible talent, witty dialogue, and let's face it - oh so hot bodies.

Over the (many) years I've had a slew of celebrity crushes. (I'm such an unfaithful fan.) Leonardo DiCaprio, Sean Patrick Thomas, Wu Chun, John Travolta, Ian Somerhalder, and Kurt Cobain (and then some) have all graced the covers of my walls.
And with each new "crush" brought the regular stalking (mostly watching all the films that person had been in.) But nothing, NOTHING prepared me for what was in my future.

I had joyfully watched Boys Before Flowers, and Personal Taste before with mild interest, but then it hit me. And by it I do mean Lee Min Ho in City Hunter.

Your key is 1987  
To quote thundie:
I thought and I thought of all the reasons why I shouldn’t do this.
In the end…
Hell. Why. Not.
We only live once, and we should live giddily, in the moment, no matter how nutty it may seem to others.
And so I fell. I re-watched all of his films, started to scourge the net for interviews/pictures/fan meeting videos anything that had to do with Min Ho. His facebook page, twitter, and me2day became a daily visit of mine. But right before this obsession of mine became completely out of control I came upon an email that was sent to The Korean asking for his assistance in translating.
dear taemin,
How are you? First of all, I would like to thank you for everything that you are doing. I love all your songs and dances, your jokes and wisdom words, they give me strength and hope. Secondly, I love you. I’m not quite sure if it’s right and if it’s normal to love the person you never met and probably will never meet, but the feeling is too strong. I feel attraction towards you, a huge admiration and desire to be with you. Sometimes I can’t even stand this feeling, because I realize that everything is for nothing, I will never be with you and I will never see you in my life, it hurts but I keep supporting you. Lately, I feel jealous of you, that you have so many positive and incredible things in yourself that I don’t have in me, and it bugs me, I feel like I’m doing something wrong in my life and like I’m not worth anything. But then I look at you and realize that if I work hard I can be as perfect as you and if I do right things and be good to others I can make my dreams come true, this gives me strength
to go on and work hard. You give me hope. Please keep up with what you are doing and good luck with all that you are planning to do in future. I love you. No matter what I will always be on your side. I have always been a fan of you. I make it a point to go on the computer to check out updates of you so as to make sure you are safe when you're away in other countries performing! I love your smile, because whenever you smile, your eyes sparkles and smiles too! You are an innocent boy, who catches my heart the moment i saw you. Nothing is better than me watching your videos every day and downloading your pictures. No matter what my other friends say, I always think you are the best. I will always be the most loyal fan and i will support you in whatever you do! Believe me, you can do it! One day, you shall become the best dancer in Korea or maybe even worldwide! As long as you put your heart in to it, nothing else matters! I will always trust that you are the best dancer! I always talk to my friends about you, about how wonderful you are! Because that is the way you are! No matter what I talk about, it is always about you! Looking at you is enough. I love you Taemin! When i watch SHINee videos, my eyes are only on you. You are the only one i see in the music videos, because to me, you are the most outstanding one! I will always be here for you my dear taemin!
However, I’m sorry.
I’m sorry I can’t be the one whose shoulder you cry on.
I’m sorry I’m not there to share happiness and laughter with you.
I’m sorry I’m not the one you can run to when you need advice.
I’m sorry I can’t share be there to congratulate you when you win an award.
I’m sorry that I can’t be the one to dance with you.
I’m sorry for keeping me away from you.
I’m sorry I can’t find you.
I’m sorry I’m not your perfect dream girl.
I’m sorry I can’t be the one to capture your smiles.
I’m sorry for loving you.
I’m apologizing to you and it probably won’t make a difference to you because you don’t even know who I am.
I guess I’m just feeling sorry for myself for falling in love with someone who I won’t be with no matter how much I wish for you. I feel like sometimes it’s just better loving you because everyone else will leave me one day. In this case, I don’t really have you, so there’s no way of you leaving me.
Therefore there’s no way of you hurting me.
When I see you smile, my whole day brightens up. You’re someone I could watch from far away and not be sad about it because I’ve been doing that from the start. I want to only love you and no one else. Is that bad? Just wanted to let you know that I will love you no matter what you look like. I won’t care if your hair is purple, or if you lose those muscles, or if you cross dress. I love the way you look, but I love who you are on the inside more. That’s something that will never change and my love for you is also something that will stay the same. I remember that there is a time you went to a radio station and you cried. That moment , i really want to hug you and tell you ” my dear , it is okay ! ” I want to be there to wipe away all your tears and take away all your misery . You inspired me to sing and dance, and I love the way you dance. All the way taemin, I love you. Don't give up okay? i will always be here for you. I don't know if I am suppose to say this to you, or if it is the right
choice, i hope it doesn't scare you. I just love you too much, you're my dream boyfriend. I know it is impossible but can you please try to make it impossible? I hope to be able to talk to you online or at least communicate? I don't know Korean words, I am translating it, I don't know how to write them but I am learning to write this long letter for you. i hope you are touched. I'm from Singapore and I am 15 this year, I guess the age difference is not that big and i have a chance to be your girlfriend right? I will try my best to show you that I will love you forever. My name is [name removed]. I really wish to talk to you, I hope you can email me but you can keep your email private? I wouldn't tell my friends, because I know you still need your privacy. I hope you will take this in to consideration, my email is [REDACTED] I just hope to be able to talk to you.
I hope you will not feel uncomfortable that I am sending you this letter. Because I have put in my hearts and souls to write this letter! :) You are someone I love from the bottom of my heart, I love you not because you are cute, manly or whatsoever but because i know you are pure in your heart and you have a good personality. It is not that I am desperate, I know there are many fans out there, loving you as much as i do, but, perhaps i am not the first one writing you a letter, I hope you won’t take this as an ordinary letter. I hope you are touched, because I am crying as i am writing this letter to you. You are a sweet boy, I have always loved you, when i saw you cry, i just have this feeling to go over and give you a hug, just like how a girlfriend would do to her boyfriend, and assure him everything is okay. And that she will always be there for him. This definitely helps him to pick himself up and work towards his goal. I hope you will feel the urge to move on after this letter, and you will be more energized to work hard. I will be looking forward to see your next album! Press on, I love
you :) And I am sorry if this scares you, considering you are an innocent man, but i hope it does not scare you. I don't like to hide my feelings, so I think it is better if you know someone out there in Singapore loves you okay! I think of you as someone who is innocent, yet cool. Nobody can replace you in my heart! I may not know how to speak in Korean, but I know when you are upset, I am definitely always here for you, and I am the one whom you can trust and talk to. I am learning how to speak and write in Korean, so we can communicate when time comes!

And I post this not to make fun of the inspired soul who's heart was poured out, but to say this was my wake-up call. This letter brought me back from the brink of what some might describe as insanity......I like to call it increased passion.
And so my Min(e) Ho(t) disease was cured and I could go about my life happily obsessing about the things completely normal people obsess about.

But then I saw this video (start it at 1:23) and really who could say no to that cuteness? Could you?

And while I have your attention-only 12 more days to enter:

So it's our first contest!
THE PROJECT: Pretty much we're looking for a new credits page to be used throughout the year on various projects.
-Must be in PSD
-Must have type ready for: Title, Volume/Chapter, Author, Credits, Forbidden Garden
-Must have a "window" of any shape where a picture of project can be put in.
-Have fun!
-An example of what I mean can be found here - but please be more creative than this (it's only a very weak example!)
TIME LIMIT: One month, so in one months time I will make a post including all the applicant's pages. (That will be March 19, 2012)
THE VOTING PROCESS: Will be up to your peers, there will be a simple vote box to the right in which everyone will vote from.
THE PRIZE: The most important part right?
First prize winner will receive 3 months of passwords. So every time we have a release I will email you with that release's password. PLUS you'll get to read one chapter of your choice (excluding joint projects) to read before it's released to any one else!
HOW DO YOU ENTER: Email me at with your PSD of the image.
Good luck!


1. Caramel Kiss volume 03 chapter 15 - A note from our proofreader Miki: PAH! Oh Meru, you are the queen of melodramatic...

2. Koi no Surisasu chapter 02 - Geeze these KnS chapters are monsters!
(79 pages!!!)
Jiro has moved from the countryside to Tokyo along with Haruo, his friend from high school. He suddenly receives a letter from their old school friend, Yuriko. But what is it that Yuriko wants and why is Jiro, who is constantly bewildered by women, willing to return to the rural town he deserted to find out?

3. Hyper Baby volume 03 chapter 12 - It's been awhile since I read Baby, so until I do - enjoy!

4. While reading through KnS chapter one I noticed that a page didn't have the translations on it. So here's the missing page. I'll put up the re-upped whole chapter later.

5. Hyper Baby volume 03 chapter 13 - It's spring break~~~kids are home, so I need a week full of fun activities for a 5 year old. Any suggestions?

6. Ano ko to Issho volume 03 chapter 11 - Note (Claer says): STUPID DELUDED GIRL HOW CAN YOU LET HIM TRAMPLE OVER YOU LIKE THAT DO YOU HAVE NO PRIDE!?!?!?!

7. Koi no Surisasu chapter 01 RE-UP - Okay, here's the chapter WITH the missing page in it.

If you are an uploader and are currently reading this message, please I beg of you, just don't upload. Just think every time you break the rules urdzy has to spend editing time enforcing rules, so please think of urdzy.


  1. Thanks again for the releases.

  2. I haven't seen City Hunter yet precisely because I'm afraid I'll fall into that deliciously perilous abyss. I've already felt it for Gong Yoo in Coffee Prince, Kim Hyun-joong in Playful Kiss (for about 3 seconds cos that drama was so boring), and if I actually stop reading recaps of Shut Up: Flower Boy Band and just watch I'm sure I'll be head over heels in infatuation with all of them.

  3. Wow I'm pretty amazed about that letter. Like you said, it's not funny or anything, but it really makes you think about how far some are willing to go for a celebrity. And I'm saying that as a Singaporean and as a fan of Taemin. (No I didn't write that letter hahahaha I wouldn't have the stamina ^_^)

  4. oh god the pw made me sweat this time >_>

  5. thanks for the releases and it's by chance that I found quickly the pw!

  6. thank you for the releases. Reading the long letter made me sweat but pw quickly found after third time read ~>~

  7. Thanks so much for the release. Caramel Kiss is so so cute. Took me a while to find the password, but it's near and dear to me.

  8. @RexyGong Yoo is a super-swoon worthy man! I haven't seen Coffee Prince in such a long time and my heart still flutters~~
    But as far as Playful Kiss.....blerg. I actually did make it thru the entire show (plus youtube diary videos) and really...really don't ever feel as though you might have missed something, because the heart (at least my heart) has never felt so dead as when watching that show.
    Shut Up: Flower Boy Band I actually really want to see! I've been waiting on it's completion because I become FAR too obsessed/impatient when trying to watch them live. So only a few weeks left! ;)

  9. @ClaerI knew that form of writing sounded familiar! >.>

    Yeah, the more I hear about obsessed fandom/crazy stalker girls stalking idols - the scarier the whole world seems. But then I fall "victim" to being a crazy old bat who oogles over the pretty boys...what to do what to do.

  10. Thanks everyone for the comments! I hope you all enjoyed~ <3

    /me skips off into Spring Break-dom

  11. Can someone tell me if password is inside or outside of letter? I don't want to read this letter tenth times for nothing. =_="

  12. Wkwkwkwkwk i really like this treasure hunting for password ^^

  13. This "password hunting" is ridiculous.
    How the hell am I supposed to guess the password if there's NOTHING outstading?

    I've read the post several times and tried over 60 words. WTF?


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